Helping Victims

Leaving an abusive relationship is a highly personal, individual decision. It is not one that can be rushed by pressuring the victim, but all survivors benefit from having trusted people during this time. Since those experiencing abuse are often isolated by their abusers, it’ is critical to ensure the survivor knows you are there for them no matter how little they are able to reciprocate the relationship. Here are the three ways to best support someone experiencing domestic violence, according to the National Hotline:

Listen Without Judgment

A survivor must feel safe when sharing their experience with you. Listen attentively and don’t interrupt or offer unsolicited advice. By listening without judgment, survivors can feel understood and less alone in their struggles.

Validate Their Feelings

Domestic violence survivors may experience shame, confusion, and fear. It is vital to validate the survivor’s feelings without diminishing them. Using phrases like “It’s okay to feel this way” or “What you’re feeling is completely understandable” affirms survivors’ feelings. By validating their feelings, you reinforce that their experiences are real and deserving of attention and care.

Respect Their Boundaries

Trauma is a complex thing, and not everyone is ready to talk about it. Let the survivor lead the conversation and be sensitive to their needs, even if it means silence or giving them time to gather their thoughts. By respecting their boundaries, you show them that you value their comfort and autonomy, fostering a sense of security.

Keep the Door Open

A survivor knows their situation better than anyone else, and will need to decide the right time to leave despite your feelings or urge to save them. It could take weeks, months, or even years. Let them know you are there for them when they are ready. You can help them create a safety plan to so they are prepared should the situation suddenly worsen. You can also offer to keep their “go bag” safe in the meantime and be one of their trusted people to call when they are ready to go.

Help is Available

Survivors have unique journeys to safety, so there is no one right way to support them. If you would like more information on how to support a friend, call our hotline at 860-838-8467. And check out the Safe & Together Institute’s Ally Guide.