Why Victims Stay
It is sometimes hard for those outside of the abusive relationship to understand why victims stay. The constant question is “Why don’t they just leave?” The answer is much more complicated that it appears.
Domestic violence takes many forms and includes many factors, some of which encourage conditions that keep a victim psychologically insecure, economically dependent and socially isolated.
SOME KEY REASONS VICTIMS STAY:
- Fear for Safety
- Lack of Information
- Financial Instability
- Concerns for Children
- Nowhere Else to Go
- Self Blame/Shame
- Immigration Issues
- Desire to Keep the Family Together
Leslie Morgan Steiner offered a personal account on why she stayed in her 2012 Ted Talk:
“The answer is easy. I didn’t know he was abusing me. I never once thought of myself as a battered wife, even when he held a loaded gun to my head. Instead, I was a very strong woman in love with a deeply troubled man, and I was the only person on earth who could help him face his demons.”
Steiner continues, “The other question everybody asks is, ‘Why doesn’t she just leave?’ Why didn’t I walk out? I could have left at any time. To me, this is the saddest and most painful question that people ask, because we victims know something you usually don’t: It’s incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser. Because the final step in the domestic violence pattern is to kill her. Over 70 percent of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has ended the relationship, after she’s gotten out, because then the abuser has nothing left to lose.
“I would have told you myself that I was the last person on earth who would stay with a man who beats me, but in fact I was a very typical victim because of my age, I was 22, and because I knew nothing about domestic violence, its warning signs or its patterns.”
Watch Steiner’s talk here.